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Winchester-Nabu Detective Agency Year Seven: Case File No. 36-348

brown pig against pink background; stock image Adobe

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Where We Left Off:

The detective agency got a case that involved a tragic murder of a mourning dove.


Though I absolutely refuse to watch the critically-acclaimed movie, Pig, starring Nicolas Cage, it’s not because I have anything against pigs or Nicolas Cage. The movie sounds too depressing and gut-wrenching for me. Why put myself through that when I can watch something like The Meg? Kudos to Cage. It sounds like he really knocked out that performance.

Nicolas Cage in the film "Pig" sitting next to his pig.
Photo: Claire Timmons/Neon

I haven’t discussed the remarkable Earth Pigs that are present here. They live in the ground and can rise to the surface. To bring you up to speed on what we know about the magings (may-jings) called Earth Pigs:

There are hints of a bizarre maging in the area which I have been calling Earth Pigs. They are not at all related to Earth’s sus scrofa domesticus (domestic pig), but the name “earth pig” comes from the shape, particularly the nose.

These mysterious creatures also shed their snouts the way a deer sheds antlers. Other than the shape of the creatures, we honestly have no idea what, if anything, they have in common with the pigs that end up as pets or on plates here in the mundane world. For example, can they transmit swine flu? We don’t know. Gus doesn’t pay attention to the discarded snouts on the ground. I guess they don’t smell like food or prey to him.

a "snout" found in the grass with drawn lines showing a pig face and eyes; text Earth Pig

Gus and I decided to return to some slight trespassing because both of us miss our big adventures so much. We don’t get to hike all over the mountain, but we’ve been sneaking through to our favorite climbing trees and to the Boulevard Trail. There were major changes on the Boulevard. Now there’s a huge space cleared where there was once a reasonably clear patch with only a few wild raspberry bushes (annoyingly prickly) and some trees. Now it’s wide open to Trail #2 in that clear patch. That’s where the new fence begins.

The Grumpy Old Man had previously told us that Lord Theodore would be getting animals, but no other information was provided. I was mostly concerned about the thousands of daffodil bulbs that he probably excavated and tossed out. One of these days, Gus and I should sneak up there and see what’s been done. Based on where we think the fence goes, it’s possible all those beautiful flowers are still there.

Gus in the woods tracking new scents and being nosy.

While we tried to be casual as we walked through some mud entering The Boulevard, Gus kept sniffing in overdrive. His Super Smeller was giving him a lot of information to parse. Since those neighborhood cats have been ballsy coming all the way down the private road and coming to our back porch, that’s what I assumed he was tracking.

“No, this is something I’ve never smelled before,” Gus said. 

When Gus stands still and stares, I take notice. I couldn’t see anything at first. He was looking back towards the road and up where there are still trees. I kept checking in with him, but he didn’t want to break his concentration. Through the brambles and thin tree trunks, I saw something move. My first instinct was, “Oh shit, the new human neighbors caught us and we’ll get in trouble.” I stayed as still as Gus. We kept staring at whatever was moving. It looked pale with dark spots. It would be rare, but not unheard of for a white-tailed deer or even a Jersey devil-deer to have a strange pattern (Ed. note: look up piebald deer.)

Gus sitting in tall, dead grass.

Gus had had enough of the stalking and bolted down the trail to get back to his turf! I followed him in my clumsy way. I first looked to see that he had made it to the mobile command unit; then I looked up the road to see if something or someone was coming down our way. Gus was spooked and I could see that he was handling it. He started to calm down as soon as he was in his element. I trusted him to stay there while I took out my camera and attempted to quietly creep up the road and see what was there.

object circled not really visible through trees; Gus saw something moving. I didn't know what it was at first either.

Gus chose not to follow me. I got close enough to see the fence and saw creatures moving. They weren’t tall so that ruled out adult deer. I had to look through my camera and zoom in to finally see that they were pigs! I counted three of them. Two were big and solid pink. The smallest one had the black spots. They did not want visitors! They ran as fast as they could when they saw me.

I trudged in my Wellies back to Gus to let him know what I discovered. He was ready to take this information and the photographs back to the office to show Oliver and the other humans. Everyone was excited! We never lived by pigs before. Even when I lived across from a huge farm, it was corn, cows, and goats every year. Though I didn’t get the opportunity to collect any physical evidence, all of us agreed these were mundane world domesticated pigs. We don’t know what the future holds for them.

Case Findings:

More than halfway down The Boulevard, Gus realized we were being watched. He fled for safety while I tried to sneak my way around to see what was moving. There are three domestic pigs living not far from the western border. They aren’t Three Little Pigs. Instead it’s Two Large Pigs and Little Pig. That’s not as catchy as a title.

Case Status: Closed

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