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Where We Left Off:
Oliver and Gus found a dead body in the private road and investigated the homicide.
Muriel’s Wedding:
In a previous case file, Oliver and Gus uncovered a new resident, Nicodemus. We don’t have any idea when Nicodemus arrived, but it was likely within the spring of 2025. He spent months as a phrogger.
phrogger (noun): a person who secretly lives in a house, hiding in attics, crawl spaces, closets; does it for the thrill of not getting caught and will often move things around to make the residents suspicious of each other.
The only reason I know what phroggers are is because of a 2019 movie starring Helen Hunt and Jon Tenny, I See You. It was an odd movie. I felt so conflicted by the end of it, I’m not sure if I’d recommend it. It was weird. If you’re into weird, go for it.
Gus has been obsessed with smelling around the ivy-covered Moretti Rock Fortress in ways I haven’t seen him do since the OG, Cheeks Moretti, lived there. Since Nicodemus moved in, there haven’t been any chipmunks living or visiting the fortress. Yet, both red and grey squirrels have. Even the deer have stopped by to eat up the bird seed snacks before anyone else gets them. It’s still a hot spot for the Blue Jay Gang, the grackles, and small songbirds. I find it insulting that the collective noun for grackles is plague while a group of blue jays is called a party.
Because Gus was certain there was suspicious activity in the rock fortress, I began pushing Ollie’s buggy as close as possible without getting him within reach of the dangerous day lily fronds. Ollie’s adorable pink nose twitched as his nodded to sniff all the information floating through the air.
“Gus is on to something,” Ollie said. “There isn’t dank, urine-coated subway odor, but there is definitely a strong scent of rat. Stronger than before.”
Gus walked around the corner from his favorite spot next to the sundial. “I’ve told you time and again, my Super Smeller is never wrong. Why would Nicodemus’ scent get stronger than it was back in the spring?”
I agreed that something was strange. “Yeah, if he was mating, you’d think the scent would be strong in spring during the fertility rites. Maybe rats will seek mates anytime of the year. I don’t know anything about the wild ones, only pets.”
It was time for more stakeouts at the corner of the Moretti Rock Fortress where the snack bar was located.
On August 17th, Gus climbed on top of the fortress. I pushed Oliver’s buggy as close as it could get. Gus told us that there were two Brown Rats (the species name not necessarily the color) within the rock walls. The two of them poked their heads up through the space between the snack bar pavers. One is more brown while the other is more silver.
“Knock, knock,” Gus said with his snout lowered between the gap of the pavers. He barely waited ten seconds before reaching one of his long monkey arms into the crevasse feeling around for the rodents. “Come out. Come out wherever you are.”
I leaned forward, getting close to Oliver’s 180° screen window. “Did he just quote DeNiro?”
Ollie replied quietly, “He’s trying to catch up on classics.”
“So am I. We watched Heat together,” I said. “Honestly, only about 30 minutes of the movie were interesting.” I also think Citizen Kane is crap. It’s a miracle I passed Film Appreciation at college.
We heard a baritone, gravely voice pipe through the rocks. “Keep your claws away from us, cat! What do you want?”
“Listen up! Our human feeds you, but if she’s not around, you don’t have any protection.” Gus circled around on the ivy. “My partner and I think you drove out the chipmunks.”
“Not cool,” Ollie yelled.
Gus continued, “And we’ve now seen with our own eyes that there are two of you down there. You might as well come up and answer some questions.”
I pressed down on the brakes for Ollie’s buggy. I was able to step on top of rocks to get closer to Gus. I grasped his leash so he didn’t take any actions where I wouldn’t be able to reach and intervene. He backed up and I was able to hold him in my arms.
I thought I might have better luck taking over the interview. I made my voice soft and sweet while introducing myself formerly to the second rat. “I’m so sorry that I thought you were Nicodemus every time you came up for snacks. What’s your name?”
“I’m Muriel,” the silver-colored rat said. Her voice was non-threatening, one might say demure. “I’ve been living here for months. Nicodemus was kind enough to invite me in as soon as the chipmunks were gone. He said there was plenty of healthy food and protection from the sun.”
It’s pretty ridiculous demure became a meme as if the word hasn’t been in existence since the 14th century. Her tone had an air of an educated debutante which is not something you find up here in New Jersey. A wee part of the state may be considered “the South” and people over here do have faux southern redneck accents, but that is far from the sophisticated polish of the cast on Designing Women. If Muriel had popped up wearing a large sun hat with ribbons and tiny flowers, it would have made perfect sense.
It was not unexpected that I’d be wrestling in place with Gus, who wanting to jump on the rocks and get the rats. How does he go boneless and squirm at the same time? Doing this awkward dance, I got to know Muriel by asking some basic questions.
She and Nicodemus came from a couple backyards away where there’s cat food left outside. They lived in an abandoned car until they saw the little red squirrel, Mitzi, with a mouthful of birdseed and peanuts. They asked her where she found the gourmet food. She hesitantly told them, but warned that there’s already a lot of competition for the food. They made a promise to her that they’d leave some for her if they decided they liked the Winchester-Nabu estate.
“Nicodemus scouted the rock fortress first without me,” Muriel explained.
He spoke up. “I had to know you’d be safe, my love.”
They’re in love! I had to keep from gasping at the exciting news. Anyway, we were able to take their answers and fill in more data for their dossiers.
Subject Identification
|
Species: brown rat (Rattus norvegicus) Name/Street Name/Alias: Nicodemus Approximate Age: adult Residence: Moretti Rock Fortress Associates: Muriel; The Blue Jay Gang Special Abilities: highly intelligent |
Species: brown rat (Rattus norvegicus) Name/Street Name/Alias: Muriel Approximate Age: young adult Residence: Moretti Rock Fortress Associates: Nicodemus; Mitzi the red squirrel; Brooke the Bunny Special Abilities: speaks many languages |
What’s Next?
“We’re going to be getting married right here at the Moretti fortress,” Nicodemus said. “I’d like to rename our home, but Muriel didn’t want to insult anyone.”
We were told that the wedding date was right around the corner, August 30th. I’ll try to remember to leave extra food at the fortress for the happy couple and their guests.
Case Findings:
Nicodemus arrived first at the Moretti Rock Fortress. After he determined that there was only one chipmunk rarely stopping by the rocks anymore, Nicodemus went back to get Muriel. They gathered their belongings (a lot of books and tiny treasures) and moved in. They’re still afraid that Gus will capture and harm them (as they should be). In the end, our phroggers were identified and we got to know them better.
Case Status: Closed